Truth Over Stories

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So here we go again. Another set of scans.

I didn't share about my last set of scan because I thought it wasn't worthwhile.  But then I realized, that it is because someone, somewhere right now is also on a bit of a roller coaster in their mind who needs to know they are not alone.  Also, it may benefit those of you who have a loved one who gets scans to give you a glimpse of what may be going on in their mind the day of their scans.

To let you in on what my head sounds like on a morning like this it goes something like...

All will be well no matter the outcome.

But I really don't want there to be another tumor.

It is okay, God's got this.

Yep, I know but I really don't want to go through that again.

Let your faith be bigger than your fear.

I know but it is hard.  It is a slow growing cancer.  Now that more time has passed, could there be something there?

Even if there is, God will make good of it.

I know but are all these scans I get to catch things early helping or could they be causing things in the future?

Let go of the fear and trust God with this. 

I know but...

But what?

It is not always that easy.

I know. Just keep circling back to these truths over and over again until their roots grow deeper within.

The unknown of an outcome, cancer or not, can get our minds riding a roller coaster of stories of things that may never come true.  Yet, reeling in those stories and anchoring oneself in truth is some days easier said than done.  This morning was one of those mornings I was on a roller coaster ride.  I know that all will be well no matter the outcome of my scans, and I need to live in moment and not allow the fear of what could be take me away from the joy that is in this day.  Yet, those stories have been playing in my head today.

If you too have stories that are playing in your head today, I invite you to join me to...

Pause. Breathe. Pray.

May we all press pause on those stories; those 'what ifs'.  In their place may we instead anchor ourselves in the moment with the truth; of 'what is'.  We are here, now and worrying will not add a single moment onto our lives but will take away our moments that are meant for us to live.

May we believe truth over our stories and may it bring us peace as we wait.


With love and hope,
Shawn

P.S.  I typically won't leave you with an unknown like this but I thought by doing this post, it would give you a glimpse into the life of cancer survivors and our regular scans.  We need to wait for results as we function in our daily lives.  So if you know someone who is waiting for a result to their scan or blood work and they seem to be distant, or more on edge than normal, please just wrap them with love and see beyond their behavior.  See into their heart and that they are waiting for the truth of their scan results and love them there.  Thank you!

"Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to your life?" - Luke 12:25

At a Crossroads?

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Years ago when I would go on hikes, I'd see this at a crossroads on the trails and look at it to figure out which direction I needed to take.

Now when I see this at a crossroads on a trail, my heart smiles.  

Why?

Because now when I see it, like this one in Acadia this past summer, I see a cross. Crosses have become something I see all the time, and when I am feeling low, I seek out.

For example, last year, often when in a waiting room or in a doctors office, I would see crosses.  From the panels in the ceiling and window panes, to the crosses in the floor tiles, they were always around me.  I remember one day laying on the radiation table and seeing two crosses above me built into the equipment that the technicians used to help be sure my the equipment was properly placed before they began the treatment.  There was a comfort I received when I would see a cross, whether it was in the bricks on the sidewalk or random sticks that had fallen into that formation.

Why do I get comforted by the sight of a cross?

Only recently has it become significant in my life.  Talk to me eight years ago and a cross meant nothing to me.  Yet today, especially this weekend, the cross means everything to me. You see, this weekend is Easter weekend, and the cross to me reminds me of Jesus.  For the majority of my life, if someone said Jesus, I would roll my eyes and think crazy person.  Yet I would still go through Easter weekend without giving much thought to the root of what it was I was celebrating.  Now it is the root of Easter that has me seeking crosses for comfort along my path in life (and I am that crazy person saying Jesus! lol).

Easter is the weekend, as a Christian, we mourn the death of Jesus and also celebrate the resurrection.  Now whether you believe in Jesus or not, I would ask you to consider what his life, and death were all about.  

Jesus' life was one filled with love and healing.  He came beside people who were hurting with the hope to heal them in mind, body and Spirit.  He told stories filled with wisdom and lessons that are still applicable to our lives today, thousands of years later.  He demonstrated what it looked like and sounded like to live a selfless life; living with the central purpose to love others.  This same truth was what brought Jesus to his death.  Jesus died by crucifixion, by being nailed to a cross, which was back in that day a form of capital punishment.  He died on a cross, so we could have life.

What does that mean?

Jesus's death showed me that the greatest gift in life was to be willing to lay down your life for another.  

He was selfless in life.  He was selfless in death.

And this is the example I hope to follow in life.  When I see a cross, it reminds me that my life isn't just about me, it is about loving on others around me.  So when I am walking through life, whether I am in the waiting room, out on a hike, at home or out and about, when I see a cross, it reminds me what the central focus of my life is meant to be, to love others.  Also, when I am feeling low or at a crossroads in life, when I see a cross it reminds me that when I am unsure of which direction to go, I have a choice, I can look at the problem or look to the cross, and the life and death of Jesus, to help give me wisdom to know what direction to walk in.

I share this with you today in case you are seeking purpose in your life or at a crossroads.  I invite you to join me to...

Pause. Breathe. Pray.

And consider looking at the cross to give you wisdom for your purpose, direction for your steps and comfort in your heart.

With love and hope,

Shawn

"I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me." - Galatians 2:20

 
 

Stone of Hope

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About two years ago this month I ran into a dear friend in the grocery store. My Mom was in the middle of her treatments for breast cancer and she shared her Mom had just been diagnosed.

Although we were already close, this bridged our hearts deeper as we watched our moms fight their battles with cancer.

Her Mom came to live with them and at pick up every day I came to know and love her Mom. These two women are two of the most beautiful souls you’ll meet.

When I was diagnosed, her mother would just give me the warmest hugs and smiles, filling my heart with joy and hope. She was one of those people who loved to love and she put herself second to love on others.

My heart still breaks because this beautiful soul lost her battle to cancer many months ago and her smile and love still warm my heart when I think of the love she shared with others.

Yesterday I ran into my friend and she shared she had a gift for me.

She handed me this stone of hope.  

She shared that this stone belonged to another friend of ours who passed away a couple of years ago and this stone was passed along to her her for her mother, and now she is passing it along to me.

Tears flooded my eyes when I heard this story. I feel blessed to now hold this stone of hope that belonged to these two beautiful souls before me.

Through the tears I shared with her that this couldn’t have come at a more perfect time as my next scans are around the corner and I am needing to hold onto hope, and not fear.

I share this with you today because this moment touched my soul and although I can’t hand you this stone, maybe one of you too is needed to be reminded to hold on to hope in place of fear today.

May we take a moment to...

Pause. Breathe. Pray.

And may we place fear to the side and allow the memories and love of those before us warm our hearts and let hope anchor our souls.

With love and hope,
Shawn

Start With Bread

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🍞Start with bread🍞 

I love this wall as you enter Panera Bread. Every time I see it, it makes me smile. It reminds me to start my days, and my weeks, with bread.  

Yes, some may read this and think about Panera’s delicious bread (which they donate their daily leftovers to local shelters💝).  

But when I read it I don’t think about the bread I eat, but the bread that feeds my Spirit and will nourish me for the day/week ahead.  

We all start our day with some type of bread, feeding our minds and Spirit. Is it social media bread, the news bread, gratitude bread, meditation bread, prayer bread, etc?  

Whatever bread we start our day with, I think it is significant that we ask ourselves if the bread is nourishing our Spirit for the day ahead?

If our answer to that happens to be no, I invite us to...

Pause. Breathe. Pray.

And May we consider starting our day and week with a different type of bread that will fuel and nourish our Spirit. For me, I know when I choose to pray, read scripture and write in my gratitude journal it fuels my heart and soul for the day/week and gives me something to meditate on and it nourishes and sustains me throughout my day. If I start my day scrolling through social media feeds, I am a lot less fueled for my day.

I invite us all to consider what bread we start our day with. And if it isn’t nourishing our mind Spirit, may we consider changing the type of bread we start the day with to something that will fuel, nourish and sustain us for our days.

With love and hope,
Shawn


(And if you need suggestions for types of bread, send me a note. I am happy to walk beside you and offer resources to you for your journey.)

Jesus replied, "I am the bread of life. Whoever comes to me will never be hungry again. Whoever believes in me will never be thirsty. - John 6:35

 
 

People Over Money

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When we put this truth into practice it will transform our hearts, our homes, our schools, our communities, our nations and our world 🌎

Let’s be the change we need to see in the world💕🙏💕

With love and hope,
Shawn

"You cannot serve God and money." - Matthew 6:24

Learn to Modify

A truth about cancer is that just when you think you’re fine, it reminds you that it’s effect can linger.

Last Friday we had the dodgeball tournament and this was me the next day, while my daughter and a couple friends went shopping.

The old me could be on my feet for 7 hours dodging balls no problem, the healing me ended up in leg spasms all night. I had promised my daughter I’d do this the following day (her bday!) and there was no way I was backing out.

So I modified. I walked around (far behind them🤓) and then sat outside the stores and read. I gave thanks for the stores with chairs outside of them and for the others, I simply sat on the ground, like this.

Thankfully, now a week later, my legs are finally feeling well again💝

I share this for all of us healing from cancer - or other illnesses. Though we may be doing well overall, if/when there is a set back, may we not allow it to stop us from still living this beautiful life we have been given but instead may we choose to...

Pause. Breathe. Pray.

And receive wisdom on how we can continue to move forward, imperfectly, in spite of our set back.

And may we always remember that cancer may have impacted our bodies but may we not allow it to touch our Spirit.

With love and hope,
Shawn

 

 
 

He Is With You

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Today is the anniversary of my maxillectomy surgery.  

Reflecting back to that morning, the fear that gripped my heart was palpable.  I was up before dawn, and with tear stained eyes I made a video for my children saying hello, that I love them and that I'd see them soon.

The truth behind the video was that I feared not being there for them in the future.  With my earbuds in, we drove over to Mass Eye and Ear where I just sat praying and listening to my calming music with songs like Trust in You by Lauren Daigle.

Once I was called in, I told Stephen to mark down every person who helped us.  From the nurse who walked us back, Kathy O'Brien who hung my fluids bag before surgery, etc.  Every person that crossed our path I watched how their part, though not as big as my surgeons, was needed for my surgery to be a success. 

I watched and witnessed trying to focus on the good happening around me until my anesthesiologist gave me a pill that made me feel a little drowsy.  I held Stephen's hand tight until I had to go. As I was wheeled away from my guy, I prayed my heart out into that surgery room.  As I lay there I asked if everyone could come around me so I could give thanks for them before the surgery.

The medicine kicked in more and more and I have no idea if I ended up saying anything.  What I do know is that in my ear, a beautiful voice whispered, God loves you. Jesus loves you.  God is with you. Jesus is with you.

And I drifted off to sleep to the sound of her calming, reassuring voice and truth being spoken into my heart.  

I share this with you because God showed me on that challenging day that He was with me.  He placed a resident from Europe in my surgery room that day to whisper those words into my ear as I drifted off to sleep.

I share this with you because I know God is with you today beside you on your path too.  In that surgery room, God spoke into my heart truth in a language that resonated with me.  I wholeheartedly believe He too has placed people beside you on your path, to calm and encourage you. The words they speak I believe will be ones that resonate with your heart.

I invite you to join me to...

Pause. Breathe. Pray.

I am not unique.  God is speaking into our hearts everyday.  Yours included. Some circumstances, like laying on a hospital bed waiting for surgery, may open our ears a little more.  Yet I know sitting here in my den this morning He seeks to speak into my heart too.  

I offer to you to consider wherever you are today, and wherever you go, consider  that God is placing people beside you to speak truth and love into your heart, to calm and encourage you for your journey, to let you know you are not alone.

There is no greater comfort I receive than knowing God is beside me on this journey in life and is placing people along my path to remind me of that.  And I wholeheartedly believe, He is with you, and doing the same for you too.

With love and hope

Shawn 

"Do not fear for I am with you, I will strengthen you and help you." - Isaiah 41:10

Turning Lemons Into Lemonade

One of my goals this year is to take the lemons from last year and turn them into lemonade - aka taking my cancer anniversaries and turning them into something good that can bless someone else.

On January 25, my cancer diagnosis date, I created 'My Cancer Walk' (in pictures) on my website to be a visual, and an encouragement, to someone who is on their journey or has a loved one who is walking with cancer.

March 15th marks the date of my surgery when I had my palate, three upper back teeth and their gums removed.  This year I created a Dodgeball FUNdrasier for our community the week of this anniversary to raise awareness and funds for ACCRF, Adenoid Cystic Carcinoma Research Foundation - and make good of a day that last year was not so good.

Our community came together, had fun and made a HUGE difference for ACC community!  With their generosity, as of today, our community raised over $10,000 for ACCRF (with a few more donations on their way!).  Isn't that amazing?!?! 100% of the money raised goes to ACCRF and 100% of the funds they receive will be used to for research.

My prayer over all of this is that someday when someone hears they have ACC, they will also hear how they will be cured and the possibility of a reoccurrence will be something of the past.

Cancer was never something that was on my radar, but now it is part of my past and it's memory is something I will always carry with me.  (Taking my obturator out morning and night and my scans every few months for life will not allow me to forget.)  Yet I am choosing to not let this be something that I will put on my shoulders and weigh me down in life.  Instead I am choosing to place cancer beneath me as a stepping stone to rise up on.  I pray to live more authentically and purposefully with each step I take and in each day I am blessed to live this life I have been given.

I continuously give thanks for my journey with cancer as it has, and continues to, teach me that life is meant to be lived by coming beside others, loving them and helping them rise up too.  When we do this, we rise up ourselves, maybe not in society standards but in our hearts, living more connected to the person we were made to be.

Cancer.  Yes, it's a lemon.  Yet it can be turned into lemonade when we take it and realize it wasn't a purposeless event in our lives, but one that was given to us to live more purposefully.

Maybe your lemon is cancer, or maybe it is something else.  I invite you to join me to...

Pause. Breathe. Pray.

Whatever our struggles may be, may we trust that it isn't a purposeless event or one that was made to weigh us down in life.  May we trust that it happened so we may see life through a new lens, one with clarity, purpose and direction so we may live with purpose each day and help others rise up along the way.

With gratitude, love and hope,

Shawn

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." - Romans 8:28

 
 

Cancer Connections

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Having cancer was not something I ever would have wanted yet there is a beauty in the connections I have made with others because of it. 

When I meet other survivors, or family members of those with cancer, we skip the surface talk and get right to the heart of life.  

These friendships are a gift and something good that cancer brought into my life that I am forever grateful for.

I share this with you because we all have had our share of struggles in life. I invite you to join me to...

Pause. Breathe. Pray.

And If you haven’t already, I invite you to consider connecting with others with a similar struggle. There is a beauty in those connections, a freedom that comes with it, and a safe place where you can speak for hours or sit in silence and your heart is understood.

With gratitude and hope,
Shawn

"Thanks be to God, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God." - 2 Corinthians 1:4

Traditions

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❄️Today we had another snow day which gave us some time to bake up some loaves of my Great-Great Grandmother’s 🍀Irish soda bread🍀 

Last year I was a little preoccupied with my upcoming surgery to bake and I am thankful to be carrying on this tradition again this year💝

Gratitude and joy~ They are found in the little things😊

With love,
Shawn

 
 

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