So here we go again. Another set of scans.
I didn't share about my last set of scan because I thought it wasn't worthwhile. But then I realized, that it is because someone, somewhere right now is also on a bit of a roller coaster in their mind who needs to know they are not alone. Also, it may benefit those of you who have a loved one who gets scans to give you a glimpse of what may be going on in their mind the day of their scans.
To let you in on what my head sounds like on a morning like this it goes something like...
All will be well no matter the outcome.
But I really don't want there to be another tumor.
It is okay, God's got this.
Yep, I know but I really don't want to go through that again.
Let your faith be bigger than your fear.
I know but it is hard. It is a slow growing cancer. Now that more time has passed, could there be something there?
Even if there is, God will make good of it.
I know but are all these scans I get to catch things early helping or could they be causing things in the future?
Let go of the fear and trust God with this.
I know but...
It is not always that easy.
I know. Just keep circling back to these truths over and over again until their roots grow deeper within.
The unknown of an outcome, cancer or not, can get our minds riding a roller coaster of stories of things that may never come true. Yet, reeling in those stories and anchoring oneself in truth is some days easier said than done. This morning was one of those mornings I was on a roller coaster ride. I know that all will be well no matter the outcome of my scans, and I need to live in moment and not allow the fear of what could be take me away from the joy that is in this day. Yet, those stories have been playing in my head today.
If you too have stories that are playing in your head today, I invite you to join me to...
Pause. Breathe. Pray.
May we all press pause on those stories; those 'what ifs'. In their place may we instead anchor ourselves in the moment with the truth; of 'what is'. We are here, now and worrying will not add a single moment onto our lives but will take away our moments that are meant for us to live.
May we believe truth over our stories and may it bring us peace as we wait.
With love and hope,
P.S. I typically won't leave you with an unknown like this but I thought by doing this post, it would give you a glimpse into the life of cancer survivors and our regular scans. We need to wait for results as we function in our daily lives. So if you know someone who is waiting for a result to their scan or blood work and they seem to be distant, or more on edge than normal, please just wrap them with love and see beyond their behavior. See into their heart and that they are waiting for the truth of their scan results and love them there. Thank you!
"Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to your life?" - Luke 12:25