Beautifully Broken

I have written a number of posts to you recently but I have hesitated to hit send.

Why?

Because typically I share with you when I am in a good place and recently I have been in a rough spot.

I wanted to get to the other side before I shared but I know there is healing in sharing your heart with others.  So today I am inviting you into the pit with me.  

This week marks the year anniversary of my diagnosis and I am flooded with memories and emotions.  Leading up to this week I have been experiencing a sadness and I was unsure why.

I am alive and well.  I am home with my family and we are back to life.  How can I be sad?!

In the past couple of weeks I have had some clarity.  I realize I have felt ashamed at the way I feel.  Before you start thinking of what you want to say to that, please hear me out.  

Having walked so closely to the edge of life and having received such peace within me in the process, I questioned how deep my faith was if I was in a funk like this.  I want to walk the walk, not talk the talk and I was unsure if I was walking the walk beside you anymore.

But then, last week, while I attended a funeral, I heard the pastor say, "grief and sadness are not a lack of faith in God, they are emotions you need to move through because you have experienced a loss."

And there was my answer.  This wasn't a lack of faith I had been experiencing.  I have been grieving and didn't know that I was.  

I have been grieving the old me and how life was before cancer entered our life.   I have been grieving how close I felt to God during my time in treatment and how I went from a convent to Grand Central Station spiritually.  I spend time with God every day yet there are so many more distractions now that it is harder to hear him over the echoing of the voices and the coming and going of trains around me.

I have been grieving the loss of what was.  

I know in my heart that God has a new path for me and this is a stepping stone for me to get there. I need to sit here and grieve, feeling the sadness as I let go of what was so I can wholeheartedly move forward.

I am not sure how long this process will take.  I hope it will pass quickly but it is where I am today.  And I share it with you because I know someone else is in this space too and when you're in it, it is a lonely place and I just want them to know, you are not alone.

We can be beautifully broken together, though apart.

May we trust that the light we are meant to shine will shine brighter when we stop trying to hold ourselves together and let it shine through our broken places.

With love and hope,

Shawn

"God is close to the brokenhearted." - Psalm 34:18

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My Snow Day Truth

We had a snow day here yesterday❄️ I realize I don’t take pictures when we are all being lazy or when we are having ... hmmmm 🤔 ... we will call them “moments” in our home. Those were a part of our day. I guess I capture moments more like this one, aka the highlights.

I share this with you because the last snow day we had was a day I was having trouble showing up for myself, let alone my kids.  It was a very lazy day and when I hopped on social media I saw all the things people did with their kids and places people went. That snow day the three places our kids went were to the couch, the kitchen table and to bed. If that was you yesterday I invite you to... 

Pause. Breathe. Pray.

And please know you are normal and not alone. There are others out there, like me, who have unpinteresting days too.

We are all doing our best, moment-by-moment, day-by-day. Yesterday’s snow day was a little more eventful than the last one. I was tempted to share my pictures but realized there was someone out there who was feeling the way I was the last snow day. I share this one picture now only to come beside you and share with you this message.

Whether we gave our kids the laziest day of their life, the most exciting adventure or something in between, we need to remember they are learning from every experience we give them, even the boring ones. And the bottom line is the most important thing we need to give them any day is our love💕

With love and hope,
Shawn

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Thank You Martin Luther King, Jr.

A little video at breakfast this morning to remind my children why they are off from school today and to show them an example a person who dedicated their life to helping others. Thank you Martin Luther King, Jr. for standing up for what is right, even though it was hard.

I invite you to join me and...

Pause. Breathe. Pray.

May we allow his example to inspire us to live a life of lifting others up (and not pushing others down to raise ourselves up).

With gratitude and hope,
Shawn

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Do What Matters Most

I had a really convicting moment the other day...if I don’t make the time to do what really matters in life, I’ll be looking back in regret on what I wished I would have done rather than looking back with gratitude at the memories I made.

So I took a spontaneous trip to visit my 92 year old Grandfather yesterday💝 

I share this with you in case you too are moving with the current of life flowing around you.

I invite you to...

Pause. Breathe. Pray.

And take a moment to step out of the water. Once you get your footing, ask yourself if there is something you need to make the time to do, today, this week, or this month. And I encourage you to do it.

The little things that fill our schedules each week will fade in years but the memories we make with those we love will be engrained in our hearts forever.

With love,
Shawn

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Every Piece of the Puzzle Matters

This picture is of my breezeway at some point that week.

The weekend I was diagnosed last year I ran into a woman at church who has a non profit called Helping Haitian Children. She and I have worked together for years doing outreach activities for the people near Carrefour, Haiti. 

I was a bit undone when I saw her.  I had not  yet shared with people what was going on with me.  Seeing her was a breath of fresh air and gave me a sense of normalcy and purpose.  I asked her if there were any needs she had for the families in Haiti.  She said there was a need for clothing.  

So that week  I organized a collection for clothing to be dropped off in our breezeway.  My family thought I was crazy.  No one knew but them what was going on with me but those bags poured in from our amazing community out of their generous hearts.  People didn't know it but they weren't just helping Haiti, they were helping me during that tumultuous time.

My friend brought the clothing to Haiti and said how she smiles every time she goes and sees a child wearing a shirt that says Avon on it.

I have loved giving through her ministry to Haiti.

Then during my treatment, the people of Haiti gave back to me.  

Two women who helped me weekly at chemo were from Haiti.  One shared with me that she calls her Mom back in Haiti every day at 6 to check in on her which I thought was so sweet.  Also, three of the guys who worked the valet at the hospital that I passed every day were also from Haiti.  Their smiles and hellos became a part of my daily routine. And lastly, a fellow patient in radiation was from Haiti.  Although we couldn’t understand each other well, he spoke only Creole, I wanted to learn a little for the next time our paths crossed, although our appointments never synced up again.

Every piece of the puzzle matters.  Every piece has value and purpose.  This is the theme of my book A Place for Sam.  I wrote this book to let people know that our world wouldn’t be complete without their piece of puzzle.

I am grateful for what our community has been able to provide for the people in Haiti and I am thankful for the lovely Haitian people who were an important part of my journey this year.  Their piece of the puzzle matters to me.

With gratitude and hope,

Shawn

For more information on Helping Haitian Children click HERE

"A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another." - John 13:34

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Moving Forward Imperfectly

I am reading this book and wanted to share it with you in case any of you need an inspiring read.

“Developing tolerance for imperfection is the key factor in turning chronic starters into consistent finishers” - Jon Acuf

Coming back to life after having cancer last year has been a journey and at times I have fallen back into a perfectionist mentality. I am six months out from treatment and get frustrated with myself that I am still trying to get into a routine personally while also attempting to layer on getting back to life professionally, writing and speaking.

I am falling short of my expectations regularly.  I love how this quote, and book (I’m only on chapter 2!) have already me encouraged to stay the course.  

It won’t be perfect.  

I won’t be perfect.  

But I need to keep moving forward imperfectly.

And eventually with patient perseverance, I will meet the goals I have set personally and professionally.

I invite you to join me to...

Pause. Breathe. Pray.

And choose this year to be imperfect finishers of the goals we set rather than perfect starters who never finish.

With love and hope,
Shawn 

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Lay It Down

Are any of you carrying extra weight on your shoulders already this year like I am?

The expectations I have of myself are a combination of my old self and superwoman, both who no don't exist.  

This person I am trying to be ~ having my act together in every area of my life on day 3 of the New Year, aka a perfectionist ~ is unrealistic and unnecessary.

Instead I am choosing to hang up these expectations.  Yes, I will still set goals for myself, yet realistic ones that meet me where I am today.  Not who I was yesterday or who I desire to be in the future.

I am sharing this today in case you too have placed some unrealistic expectations on your shoulders and are carrying extra weight around.  I invite you to join me to...

Pause. Breathe. Pray.

And let’s lay down the perfectionist mentality.  Instead, let's meet ourselves for who we are, be honest with ourselves about the number of hours in the day and not try to be superwoman or superman.  Let’s take each day as it comes and do what is ours to do.  No more. No less.  

God gave us enough hours in the day to do what we NEED to do but He didn’t give us enough time in the day to have us do all that we WANT to do.

With love and hope,

Shawn

"Cast all your cares on God because He cares for you." - 1 Peter 5:7

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Begin Within

(Video from summer 2016)

Happy New Year!

What are your goals this New Year?

Eating clean, exercising more consistently, etc.?

What if you tried something new this year and instead of focusing on the outside, you chose to begin within, where true transformation happens?

I get the pull to start working out and eating well at the start of the year.  Most of my life my New Year's resolutions were focused on bettering the outside of myself.  I thought if I took care of my outside, my inside would be at peace. Yet I can look back at pictures when I was in the best shape of my life and on the outside I may appear well but on the inside I was still not at peace.

What I have come to learn is that to be well within, I need to begin within.

I am sharing this video to give you some food for thought...

To grow strong enough to do these 50 push-ups I started at 10 and then added 2 a day for 21 days. I dedicated the time, used my energy purposefully and was disciplined daily. And those small deposits I put in over time paid off.

The same has been true in my spiritual growth.

When I started having a morning prayer time I would read a quick paragraph which took maybe a minute. Day by day over the past seven years, my prayer time has grown in length.

Why?

Because I have seen how taking the time to Pause. Breathe. and Pray. has brought more peace into my heart than when I would wake up and workout first thing.

Now I am not saying I don't like to workout or eat well. I was a Health and Physical Education teacher and a yoga teacher before becoming a writer. Being active and eating well is part of who I am yet I do those to increase the quality of my life, not to be a certain size anymore. I have come to learn that being at peace comes from an internal workout, one where I practice letting go and trusting in God.

I now spend twice as much time in the morning cultivating my Spirit, mind and heart - through my readings, prayer, meditation and my gratitude journal - than I do working out.

I share this video to demonstrate what can happen when you choose to use your time and energy consistently; you grow stronger. I can show you this growth physically but it is difficult for me to show the depth of internal growth I have experienced. I hope this parallel encourages you to know that change IS possible yet it doesn't start on the changing who we are on the outside.

True transformation begins within.

As you enter this New Year, I invite you to begin your transformation from the inside out. Learn to... 

Pause. Breathe. Pray. 

And choose to live out love, towards yourself, and others.

I admit, hopping on the treadmill may be easier, but will it really bring you the peace you are seeking within?

Begin within today by taking these simple steps:

1. Join my FREE facebook group where you will receive encouragement and guidance for your journey: 

https://www.facebook.com/groups/166558437430907/?source_id=695664393827811

2.  Sign up for my blog BELOW to receive weekly inspiration and encouragement and be the first to learn about my upcoming 6-week series classes (in-person and online).  

3. For those who are local, my first 6-week series class, Pause. Breathe. Pray. starts on Monday, 1/8.  To sign up visit HERE

Here's to a new day, a new week, a new month, a new year and a NEW YOU!

With love and hope,

Shawn

"For you are so careful to clean the outside of the cup and the dish, but inside you are unwell...First wash the inside of the cup and the dish, and then the outside will become clean, too." - Matthew 23:25-26

Circles of Love

Today I am a bit emotional saying goodbye to 2017.  You'd think I would say, "see-ya!"  Yes, I am wanting to move forward from cancer but what I don't want to move away from is the all the beauty I witnessed this year.

I saw...

My husband wrap me in his arms and love me through sickness into health.

The strength of my children's hearts and them meet adversity with faith and hope.

My parents were on a road trip and drove straight home to be here beside us every step of the way.

My siblings and their spouses, along with our nieces, and nephews rally around our family.  Their love was palpable.

My incredible in-laws show up for us in every way.

My aunts, uncle, and cousin visit so they could give our family a hug.

My best friend since Kindergarten continue to walk beside me in life.

My soul sisters pray over me and my family every step of the way.

My hometown cover us in prayer, provide our family with meals, a clean home, and so many other gifts of love along the way.

Every card, text message, email, facebook message from family and friends, near and far, to let us know we were in their thoughts and prayers.

Friends wrap their love around our children and help us whenever we needed it whether it was have them over or help with carpooling.

Strangers become friends.

The circles of love around us are something I never realized were there until this year and I am so grateful for each and every circle of love.

Why am I having trouble saying good-bye to 2017?

Even though it took cancer for me to see it clearly, what I witnessed this year was the best in people.  I saw people pour love towards a family in need.  I witnessed God's love in action every day through all these beautiful people as they lived out love towards our family.  

And I don't want to lose sight that perspective. 

Yet as I have moved further away from treatment, I see the lens being blurred as day to day life weaves its way back in.  Yes, I need to move forward yet my hope is to keep the lens clear and the perspective I gained this year.  How will I do that?  My hope is to...

Pause. Breathe. Pray.

And in 2018 make it my goal to be a vessel of love in someone else's circle of love.  From my child navigating a new stage in life to a friend recovering from surgery.   From those in our community who don't have enough money for groceries to those in need of clean water on the other side of the world.  There are opportunities near and far for us to live out love towards others.  

I know I can't do it all, but I can do something everyday for someone.

I share this with you today because I wanted to extend this invitation to you too.  I invite you to...

Pause. Breathe. Pray.

And consider making one of your goals in 2018 to be a vessel of love in someone's circle of love.  If we each do what is ours to do, the circles of love will broaden in our homes, communities and around the world, hopefully someday wrapping everyone in love and care.

I hope wherever we choose live out love, that whoever receives it can feel God's love working through each of us, just as our family did this year.

Thank you 2017 for showing me the beauty in people and what life is all about; to be a vessel of love in someone's circle of love; helping those in need.  

Here's to 2018 and the possibilities it holds to live out love...

With love, gratitude, and hope,

Shawn

"God is love, and all who live in love live in God, and God lives in them." - 1 John 4:16

INSPIRATION FOR YOUR JOURNEY

Merry Christmas 2017

Have you ever been skeptical about someone and were hesitant to get to know them?  

Then you decide you will make an attempt to get to know them just to see if you connect?

Surprisingly, you do connect and the person is so different than what you initially thought.  And now you just can't spend enough time getting to know more about that person?

Me too.

And one of those people for me is Jesus.

Now if the name Jesus throws you off, I get it, it used to throw me off too.  If someone would simply say his name, I would tune out of the conversation.  So if you’re there, I get it and honor where you are.

But seven years ago I decided to learn more about Jesus.  I was skeptical.  I asked a lot of questions and I did my own studies so that I didn't take someone else's opinion on as my own.

And I became quite intrigued.  

What I have come to learn about Jesus is that he was a patient, kind, compassionate, and forgiving man. He met people beyond the surface at their heart. He was selfless, humble, and charitable.  He was always willing to put his desires second to other people's needs.  He walked with purpose and gave us an example of what it looks and sounds like to live out love towards others.  

I wondered...what if I put these truths into practice in my own life?  What would happen?  Well, I can wholeheartedly say, that my life has been transformed when I have (imperfectly) put these truths into practice.  I have received a fullness in my heart that I had never experienced before.

And then this year cancer came to visit.  

I looked at cancer for a while but realized I wasn't going to get anywhere staring at the problem, so where did I look?  

I looked to Jesus to guide me.

What did he do when he met adversity?

Four things stood out to me were that he accepted the hand he was given, he prayed, he trusted the path God had for him and he loved others.

And so I did my best to follow that guidance through my journey this year. Also, when I would sit in a doctors office, on the radiation table or in my chemo chair, I would open my palms and picture Jesus kneeling beside me, holding my right hand with his head bowed in prayer.  I felt comforted, strengthened, and peaceful in those moments.

I share this with you today because it is Christmas and for most of my life, Jesus was not a part of my Christmas.  But now he is as I recognize that Christmas is the celebration of his birth.  My life has truly been transformed because I invited Jesus into it and I wanted to invite you today to...

Pause. Breathe. Pray.

And just take a moment to consider getting to know Jesus better.  Maybe if you do, you will be surprised like I was and will also gain a new perspective when you say Merry Christmas.

No matter what you decide, I wish you and your loved ones a very Merry Christmas!  And if you don't celebrate Christmas, I wish you a merry day!

With love, peace, joy, and hope,

Shawn

"For to us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government will be on his shoulders. And he will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace." - Isaiah 9:6

INSPIRATION FOR YOUR JOURNEY