Behind the smile…

It’s been a week.

Anxiety and fear have been wrestling to take my peace and joy.

Annual scans were last week.

As I wait for results, the unknown, the uncertainty can grip the soul and try to invade my thoughts. It’s a battle for the mind.

A battle to release my thoughts, my ways, my strength, and my will and open myself to God’s Word, His ways, His strength, and His will.

And to trust.

To trust that no matter the outcome of the scans, my soul can still be well, because of God.

So in the wait, I often grow quiet and turn to prayer.

I don’t want to be told the scan is going to be clear because no one but God knows that.

I don’t want to assume the worst because that isn’t true either.

So I sit in the in-between.

Waiting.

Praying.

Hoping for the best while also preparing my heart and mind for the worst.

It’s a strange place to be.

I usually don’t share these moments until after I get results. Yet the timeline to get my results has been pushed out. And I know I am not alone in this place.

There are others in the wait, taking their days step by step. Sometimes showing up fully present, and other times just showing up in body.

For those who know this in-between space, I invite you to join me to…

pause. breathe. pray.

May we wait patiently with God by our side. May His truth be what calms and steadies our minds when other thoughts are trying to take root.

May we be still and quiet as we need to be.

And may we also lift our eyes off ourselves and seek ways we can live out love towards others in the wait.

Because when we can do this, it’s no longer our circumstances that rule our hearts. A greater purpose does, to love God and love others well, even in the wait.

And by the grace of God, even in the waiting, we may find ourselves genuinely smiling not because life is certain but because we know God is.

With care and hope,
Shawn

Do not fear, for I am with you… I will strengthen you and help you. - Isaiah 41:10