Yesterday my mind felt messy in a way it hadn’t in a long time.
I unexpectedly found out I have shingles. I’m not sharing this for sympathy, but to shed light on how hard it can be to keep our thoughts rooted in truth and above life’s waves sometimes.
The other day, I woke up with swollen lymph nodes around my left ear. Having had salivary gland cancer, it’s hard not to cycle through the “Is the cancer back?” thoughts. Fearful ideas started taking root in my mind, and I was having trouble not running away with those stories, especially when they had to check to see if the shingles had spread to my optic nerve (thankfully, it hadn’t).
ACC travels along nerves.
Yes, there’s no logical correlation between shingles and ACC, but I wasn’t thinking from a grounded or rational place. My thoughts were rooted in worry and fear of the unknown.
And not even fear of cancer, really. I moved past that eventually. But I started fearing how this would impact things I have planned, like my training for the marathon coming up in a couple of weeks.
My thoughts were running away on an emotional train, allowing the stories I was creating and the emotions they bring with them, making my mind messy.
And yesterday, that’s exactly where I was. Messy minded and it was unsettling.
What I’ve learned over time is that I need to ground myself back in what is true. Yes, God gave us emotions, but they aren’t meant to lead our thoughts. His truth is. So I spent some time rooting myself in that truth - again.
I prayed over my mind, asking God to take every unproductive thought captive and root my thinking in what is true.
I prayed for eyes to see my stories as just that - stories. I needed to rewind my mind to the present moment and take this experience one step at a time.
I prayed over my heart, too, because it felt messy.
How did I know?
Because from the overflow of the heart, the mouth speaks, and mine was speaking fearful words and I was irritable.
So I prayed for a clean heart. For God to pour His love into me and cleanse me from the inside out, so that my heart would no longer be rooted in fear, frustration, or worry, but in love and truth.
By the time I went to bed last night, I had greater peace in my mind, heart, and soul, even though my head and eye were still very uncomfortable from the shingles.
I share this in case you, too, have messy thoughts and struggle to sift through the fear, stories, and worries, just like I did yesterday.
I invite you to join me to…
pause. breathe. pray.
Let’s remember it’s okay to not be okay. May we reach out to people who will hear our messy hearts and meet us with love and not judgment. May we turn to God, using His Word as an internal cleanse to help us live from a place of truth rather than from our stories, emotions and fear. When we do this, we will experience greater peace in mind, heart, and soul, like thankfully I am experiencing today.
With love and hope,
Shawn